Over the top
From the Blog PkColumnist.com: Over the top - I am unable to understand the outrage following the honourable Prime Minister's foundation-stone laying ceremony in Islamabad the other day. The project, which is causing some anger amongst "disgruntled elements," is part of the PM's Economic Recovery Drive and aims to generate far-reaching economic benefits for the masses. Stripped of all the negative ho ha that has erupted, it merely envisages the building of an additional 104 family suites, besides 500 servant quarters, under the noble Parliamentary Lodges Outreach Programme that will ensure that public representatives can think and plan how best to run the country while resting their hardworking posteriors on government largesse. The 500 servant quarters will ensure that food, drink, massage, general cleaning, and all the rest of that, run in a manner that would get a nod of approval from Jeeves himself. Witnesses say that it was a touching sight when the PM laid the first brick with a gold-plated paver encrusted with diamonds. The chairman of the Senate wept openly as the PM devoutly raised his hands in prayer and wished the project all success. The chairman of the CDA had already fainted. He later told visitors at PIMS that the sheer magnificence of the occasion was too much to bear. He is, thanks God, recovering speedily and shows no disturbing signs of the panic attack he suffered. Across the land, 180 million and more raised hands in prayer to show solidarity with the PM's bold vision. The project is built on an economy-mode plan, as it will only cost Rs3 billion, a sum the country can well afford. Exciting details of this project are now being shared with a joyous populace. The project is on 1.4 acres, which you will agree is most reassuring, and when complete will have a vast car-parking basement facility, fire-safety measures, garbage chutes – no, these will not be used to send parliamentarians down into the refuse – hissing and splendid lifts to carry heavy loads – many parliamentarians look pretty close to hippos and certainly outweigh them – gyms for ladies and gents – they are looking into gyms for eunuchs also, since this is an across-the-board public facility – shops, department stores, public meeting rooms, lounges and cafeterias. Rumours that it will also house an underwater sea restaurant are sadly unfounded. Parliamentarians and their well-wishers will be able to enjoy all these facilities which, when you come to think of it, are merely manifestations of the love people have for them and appreciation that a visionary builder of the calibre that the Sage from Multan is, lives amongst his people and thinks of these improvements in their lifestyles. Inspired by the ground-breaking ceremony, the PM also suggested that a security tunnel to safeguard VIP movement must be built. In the first stage, it will run from the Parliamentary Lodges Phases I & II to the Parliament Building. Necessary orders have already been issued to the ever-compliant CDA, and a mere four acres will ensure that VIPs can travel on silent go-carts – BMW is already developing a model – and shop, sup and sightsee on their way. With so many distractions en route, it will be a miracle that they will ever arrive, but, then, good things don't come fast and easy. The PM also reminded the fawning audience that developmental projects were his actual specialty. He reminded the grinning hangers-on that it was indeed his vision that gave us the Parliament House, Gulshan-e-Jinnah Complex, Parliament Lodges, Ministers' Enclave and Faisal Mosque. Makes old Shah Jehan look a bit of a fool, doesn't it? Experts have been called in to draw up a feasibility plan that ensures all developmental funds in the next 20 years are exclusively devoted to a network of elaborate tunnels, with all the trimmings that will connect the government's top VIPs with every single building that they might require to visit. This plan can then be extended to include other cities so that VIPs will never be seen again and wailing sirens will be the only indication that there is life beneath the surface. This is an absolutely brilliant idea, because it will forever ensure that the PM has nothing to do with the people, though some frustrated critics say that this stage of nirvana has already been accomplished by the PM and his president, who is sometimes heard to be in Pakistan. We all know that any leader who has a vision is bound to be misunderstood by the general riffraff that passes for the great unwashed of this land, and this has happened. Some people have said that the country has a national debt in excess of $53 billion, that thousands upon thousands of victims from the Earthquake (now happily buried) and the Great Flood remain homeless, having lost even the little miserable things they owned. The government has chosen not to react to this because the luxury tunnels to take them to these areas are yet to be built, and unless the responsible men and women who run the affairs of the country see things for themselves, they are obviously unable to make any comment. Some idiot has cited the car auction of the Iranian president that fetched $1 million, which he promptly gifted to the people to help fund a housing project for the underprivileged. To which we say, what has it got the president? Poorer by a million greenbacks, some good press, some sound bytes, and next day it's forgotten. The Lodges which in our case will take at least three years to build, will indeed feature a cost overrun, as corruption rates are bound to rise further. By the time it is done, if it is done, it would cost $5 billion which, given the great inflation rates, is a drop in the ocean, unless we have sold ours by that time. And Chaudhry Nisar must be cautioned not to derail the PM's bold enterprises by asking him to shelve the project. The PM does not believe in shelves but in immortality. He knows that Sher Shah Suri may be dead and gone, but everyone remembers the Grand Trunk Road. One day people will be cherishing his government's great work and naming their children after him. If you do not agree, go to the capital and visit the great monument that looks like a large potato astride a hill that the visionary Commando had built for a mere Rs800 million. Based on the four provinces' done-to-death imagery, it was supposed to be the guiding light of those who would pass it by, and the Commando was right. Every day there are long queues here as impatient Pakistanis and hordes of tourists line up to see the monument. This is the vision that guides us as we plunge ahead. . Read Full Post
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